decisions, direction and overthinking

this year i created more music than ever before. more songs. more sounds. more ideas. more versions of myself. i let loose.

but to be honest, it the freedom without any direction felt a bit like drowning. limitations, strangely, always gave me clarity.

the world is still beautiful was recorded live in 3 days. no click track. just me performing with an acoustic guitar and vocals. i recorded 17 and released 12 out of them. the limitation was, record it live. in a room. with a great engineer (yannick sandhofer - who also mixed the record).

but this time i felt i wanted to explore sounds, ideas and new directions. ‘cause i was bored with the way i was creating.

now i’m left with many ideas but no clear direction.

so as i’m writing this i’m wrestling with the idea of just let it go. let it happen. or create a frame of limitations and do it again.

in the end, as are so many things in life, it’s just a decision. there’s no right or wrong. just make the damn decision. and even writing this post is me procrastinating this decision.

the songs are here. and soon enough it will be clear how i’ll present them to the world. to you.

maybe. maybe not.

self-talk is a strange thing for me. it always has been. i do think a lot. some may say too much. i always loved observing. which also made me stay on the outside of things a lot. and overthink a lot. pretty sure a lot of you feel this way at times.

making music has been a way in for me. writing helped me put things into the world. not leave them in my head. but after years of doing this, i came to a point where i struggled. struggled because i got caught up in trying to control the outcome. trying to control where i was heading.

i’ve been dedicated to music for most of my life. i started playing bars and clubs at a young age to make some money so i wouldn’t have to go down the “proper career” path. sometimes it worked. sometimes i had to get work on the side (and i’ve done plenty of side jobs).

it’s all i ever wanted to do. what i feel i’m here for. but i did get caught up in “business meetings”, people trying to help me, with good intentions, trying to guide me. to a point where i lost vision and perspective.

the music business is a funny place. everyone seems to always know exactly what you have to do. but almost everyone also fails to reach the goals they wanted to reach. fame, success, a loyal audience, whatever it is.

and to be honest, it happened to me too.

i got caught up in trying to define myself. trying to play the game in a way that gave me the best chance to win.

but it came at a cost. i somehow forgot why i’m doing it. and what i like about it.

and i don’t have any answers right now, other than that i’m here, trying to create something that’s meaningful to me. which means being really honest with myself, which is harder than i thought.

‘cause i don’t know what i like. not at the moment.

but i will keep digging. keep searching. and i know that if i keep doing the work, keep showing up, it will appear. probably out of nowhere. or at least i hope so.

in the meantime, i’m beyond grateful to all of you. for reading this. messaging me. listening to my music. and making it part of your life.

update on my album

I finished recording my upcoming album last week.

I don’t think I’ve ever worked this hard on my music before. And it wasn’t about getting things right or perfect. it was about creating something I enjoy. Something I want to play live. Something that moved me in the process of making it. Something I’m proud of.

I wrote a lot of songs for it. Probably around 40–50. Choosing the final ones was the hardest part. Especially the letting go.

So many of these songs resonated with me. They were part of my journey over the last few months. They helped me heal. They helped me see things differently.

But I knew I wanted to make a short album — just a few songs. A small selection that felt right. true, honest but also fun.

The real work wasn’t writing or recording. It was being honest with myself. Trusting my gut. Doing what I actually want to do. just me and some songs.

So now I’m a bit tired. Also really excited to share this work with you soon. And honestly a little frightened.

But that’s how it is, I guess.

self reflections at 4 am

it’s one of those nights.

i slept for 2 or 3 hours, and now i’m wide awake.

a mind full of songs, and a quiet love for sitting down to create something.

it’s funny how i can hardly keep up any routine.

i’ve always liked working, then sleeping.

then working again. then sleeping again.

sometimes going days losing any sense of time, never sleeping more than 2,3 hours at a time while still sleeping a lot.

i was never someone who wakes up at the same time every day.

who has a morning routine.

who can sit down and work til the clock runs out, and then go live my lives.

i can’t do it like that.

the closest i ever came to a routine

was coffee and a cigarette in the morning,

listening to the music i made the night before.

but i’ve come to accept it.

maybe it’ll change.

who knows.

it doesn’t matter.

for now, it’s another 4 a.m. session.

another mid-day nap.

another movie at sunrise.

as long as the songs come, i don’t mind.

as long as, by the end of the day, i feel like i was present,

i don’t mind.

time and effort don’t equal results

sometimes to write means to let go.

letting go of concepts, ideas, visions, and perceptions.

letting the pen and the music take you. wherever that leads.

it’s like going to a new city. you can make plans and a list of things you want to see, or you can let life guide you.

you might not see everything, but you experience it.

as I get close to finishing my new album, I can honestly say:

I’ve never been more excited about something I created.

I worked harder than ever. wrote more songs and tossed more away. re-recorded things. tried and failed. tried again.

it wasn’t always easy. moments of frustration, self-doubt, and wondering if it was even worth it.

because time and effort don’t always mean better results.

but I had to do it. and I’m glad I did.

I lost some of the spark and curiosity around music in the past few years.

life got loud. paying the bills, trying to be a good dad, trying to make it in music while giving more than I take.

but through this work, the love came back. the joy. the wonder.

the love for songs. for sound. for words.

the love for the work.

I know you don’t have to spend this much time on an album these days.

it’s a world of singles, reels, and short-form everything.

but I followed my gut. fully. no compromise.

I quit my job as a bike messenger and dedicated myself to this. again.

music has always been a huge part of my life.

it’s brought highs and lows, worry and doubt. but also incredible memories, beautiful friendships, and so much love.

and maybe this album will open hearts. maybe it’ll open doors.

maybe it’ll mean I don’t have to keep crashing on couches or eating one-dollar meals every day.

maybe I can pay my bills on time.

maybe I won’t have to walk an hour home because I couldn’t pay the bus driver.

maybe it won’t.

I don’t know.

and strangely, that doesn’t matter.

but I gave it my all.

and I love it.

and I’m proud of it.

and that’s enough.